Cette semaine, je me suis surprise à plusieurs reprises à essayer de lire dans les pensées des autres et à tirer des conclusions hâtives, en particulier dans les moments de silence. J’aime communiquer et j’apprécie la vulnérabilité, mais je ne peux pas m’attendre à ce que tout le monde soit aussi à l’aise que moi avec la franchise.
En toute honnêteté, pour moi, lorsque les autres sont vulnérables, c’est apaisant. Je ne me sens pas aussi anxieuse et je suis rassurée. C’est ce que l’on appelle un style d’attachement anxieux. Cela me rassure de savoir ce qui se passe avec les autres, car je comprends alors mieux mon environnement.
La plupart d’entre nous ont été élevés par des parents émotionnellement indisponibles qui ne savaient pas comment gérer les émotions de leurs enfants. C’est pourquoi la plupart d’entre nous ont eu recours à des stratégies telles que « va dans ta chambre et sors quand tu auras surmonté tes émotions » et à des stratégies de rationalisation des émotions telles que « les gens sont dans une situation pire que la tienne ».
En ce qui me concerne, je m’en voulais de ce que mes émotions faisaient ressentir aux autres et je pensais que j’étais la seule à me sentir ainsi toute ma vie. Cela m’a appris que lorsque j’ai de grandes émotions, je dois m’isoler parce que « je suis de trop ». Lorsque les autres sont silencieux, je pense immédiatement que j’ai fait quelque chose de mal. J’essaie et j’essaie d’entrer en contact avec les autres pour apaiser mes inquiétudes et si cela ne marche pas, alors que faire ensuite ?
Le fait d’être plus conscient de cette partie de moi-même m’a aidé à m’accepter moi-même, mais surtout à accepter les autres. Si j’aime tant grandir, c’est parce que cela me permet de développer ma compassion. La compassion me permet de réaliser que mes comportements ne sont que le reflet de moi-même et que les comportements des autres n’ont rien à voir avec moi. La connaissance est la première étape pour se rappeler la vérité, la vérité que nous sommes tous des êtres d’AMOUR.
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